Acceptance In Recovery
Surrender Cracks the Door — Acceptance Lets Us Walk Through
Surrender says, “I can’t keep living this way.”
Acceptance says, “I don’t have to fight the truth anymore.”
For many people in early recovery, that difference is everything. It marks the shift from fighting reality to working with it. Surrender stops the struggle; acceptance begins the healing.
What Acceptance Really Means
Acceptance is one of the most misunderstood concepts in recovery. People often confuse it with approval or resignation — as if accepting something means being okay with it. But that’s not it at all.
Acceptance is about facing reality as it is, not as we wish it to be. It’s choosing to stop denying, rationalizing, and minimizing, and instead say, “This is what’s true right now.” It’s the moment a client stops trying to edit the story and starts reading the real script.
In clinical terms, acceptance is a process of moving from distortion to clarity. It’s the beginning of congruence, when a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors finally begin to line up.
But acceptance isn’t easy. The addicted mind resists it fiercely, because acceptance threatens the illusion of control that addiction depends on.
The Mind’s Struggle With Truth
In addiction, the brain learns to see truth as danger. To the survival circuits in our body, discomfort equals threat, and the mind’s solution is to escape it — with a drink, a hit, a bet, a very long phone scroll, a relationship. The momentary relief becomes proof that avoiding truth works.
That’s why so many people arrive at therapy or addiction treatment in Annapolis saying:
“I know I have a problem, but I’m not like those people.”
“I can stop anytime, I just don’t want to right now.”
“It’s not that bad.”
That single word — but — is the barrier between surrender and acceptance. The person may have stopped fighting the external world, but the internal debate continues. They’re still negotiating with reality.
In group, I sometimes hear someone say, “If I really accept that I’m an addict, I’ll fall apart.” I tell them, “Maybe that’s what needs to happen — maybe falling apart is what makes space for something new.”
A Story About the Tide
Acceptance reminds me of standing at the edge of the ocean. When a wave comes in, you have two choices: brace yourself and try to push back, or let it lift you.
Early in recovery, most people are still pushing. They think, “If I can just try harder, stay busier, be stronger, I won’t get knocked down.” But the waves keep coming. Eventually, the body and spirit tire, and the truth arrives: The tide doesn’t care how much I fight it.
That’s when people begin to float.
Floating isn’t giving up — it’s cooperating with what’s already happening. It’s saying, “This current is real, and I can learn how to move with it.”
In therapy at the Recovery Collective in Annapolis Md, that might sound like:
“Yes, I’m powerless over this substance.”
“Yes, I hurt people I love.”
“Yes, I need help.”
Those “yeses” are the foundation of freedom.
The Psychological and Spiritual Shift
From a clinical perspective, acceptance restores integration. The person no longer splits off from their own story. They can name their feelings without shame. They can see their behaviors without collapsing in guilt.
Spiritually, acceptance is the beginning of serenity — the lived experience of the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
When clients begin to live that prayer, you can see the shift in their faces. The tightness softens. The eyes open a little wider. The voice grows steadier. It’s as if the war within them has called a truce.
Practicing Acceptance
Acceptance isn’t a one-time moment; it’s a daily discipline. Like muscles that need repetition, our capacity for acceptance strengthens through practice. Some ways people begin to build that muscle:
Mindfulness: Watching thoughts without judgment. Learning to say, “That’s what my mind is doing,” instead of “That’s who I am.”
Radical honesty: Speaking truth in therapy or group without the old edits or defenses.
Accountability partnerships: Letting someone else reflect the truth when we can’t see it ourselves.
Self-forgiveness: Understanding that being imperfect doesn’t mean being unworthy.
Letting go of comparison: Realizing there’s no hierarchy of recovery — only the next right step.
Each act of acceptance brings a small piece of freedom. Together, they form the soil where real growth takes root.
The Gift of Reality
The irony is that reality was never the enemy. It was our teacher all along. What we resist, persists; what we accept, transforms.
I once had a client who came to every session insisting, “I’m not an addict — I just have bad luck.” We talked for weeks. One day, in a quiet voice, he said, “Maybe I am an addict.” That small sentence changed everything. His body relaxed, his tone softened, and for the first time, we could begin real work; real healing had begun.
That’s the power of acceptance. It doesn’t make life easier, but it makes it real. And when life is real, it’s workable.
From Rope to River
In my last post, I wrote about surrender — about letting go of the ski rope while being dragged through the water. Acceptance is the next scene in that story. Surrender is releasing the rope. Acceptance is learning to float.
When we stop fighting the current, the water that once terrified us begins to hold us. It’s the same river, but now we’re moving with it instead of against it.
And that’s the miracle of acceptance: peace doesn’t come when the storm ends; it comes when we stop pretending we can control the wind.
Your Next Step
If this reflection on acceptance resonated with you, consider exploring it further.
You can work directly with Michael Green, CAC-AD, or another clinician at Recovery Collective in Annapolis to continue this kind of honest, compassionate work in therapy.
Schedule a confidential consultation or join our newsletter, The Collective, for ongoing reflections, recovery tools, and mindfulness practices from our team.
Because acceptance isn’t just something you understand — it’s something you live.
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Authored by: MIchael Green CAC-AD
